What's in a name? Well, your identity,
for starters - you've spent your whole life "making a name
for yourself." That's why changing your name after marriage
isn't necessarily easy. The good news is that brides today have
many options. |
KEEP YOUR NAME
Can't let go? Keeping your own name means
you'll avoid the hassle of alerting everyone you know to the change.
On the flip side, dealing with traditional in-laws who don't understand
your reluctance to take their name won't be so simple.
TAKE HIS NAMETaking your husband's name is the most traditional
option. Be prepared to receive twice as much junk mail -- mailing
lists won't know you're the same person. But everyone else will
figure it out, and you'll avoid confusion when you have kids.
TAKE HIS NAME (SORT OF)You could use your husband's name legally and
socially but continue to use your own for business purposes; alternatively,
you could keep your own name legally and professionally but use
his in social situations.
TAKE BOTH
Or you could decided to keep both names and hyphenate
them. If both names work well together, then this could be an option.
It gets trickier if the names don't work together or they have
already been hyphenated; this then gets a bit much.
NUMEROLOGY
Interestingly, & something we had not thought of before came to us from one of our subscribers. She said "The basic vibration of a person is through their birth name and the role this enables them to play in the game of life. The date of birth is equally important. However, the name is, usually unique and, as such, has a vibration which is unique."
Numerologists believe they can show why or why not someone should change their name. Some of us would be very skeptical about numerology, but for others it may be a very interesting exercise. To find out what your name means to you from a numerologists perspective CLICK HERE!
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This
is all great in theory, but in practice what do our brides have
to say?
"I took up my husband's
surname. It gave me an added feeling of union, but it's not
essential." |
"I
don't see why I should have to change my name to his. This
is who I am and everything I have achieved has been in my
name so why change it? Why do WOMEN have to change for the
men? I know its all tradition, but tradition isn't really
relevant in this day and age, it's only because we live in
such a patriarchal society that this occurs." |
I don't believe
in changing my name as it is my identity, something I will
retain - obviously - throughout our marriage. Also, I don't
feel the need to change my name to prove my commitment, or
feel any deeper commitment - that is something emotional and
spiritual and unrelated to name changing. I must also admit
there is also the feminist in me that baulks at the idea that
traditionally women changed their name to a man's as she became,
legally, another one of his chattel's along with the
cow and horse (Obviously not suggesting this is relevant these
days...!)
Anyway, despite my moral high horse, I encountered problems
when I discovered my other half did not feel the same and
wanted us to have the same name. I made a flippant remark
that if he felt that strongly about it he could change his
to mine (nothing legally stopping him). From there we came
to a compromise that we would both change our names and hyphenate
both our surnames. A good compromise to start our marriage,
I get to keep my name whilst he ensures we both have the same
name!"! |
| "I would
never change my name. I now attach great importance to it. Besides,
my parents did all the hard work and I feel as though I am giving
that credit to some other family by changing my name. We have
had this discussion and he would never expect me to. I personally
don't feel the need to be unified under a name." |
I did not
change my name. I am in two minds about this. Sometimes I
feel as though I should change it because it would make me
feel like it was more of a union...but then other times I
think we have no boys in the family and if I do not carry
on the family name who will? |
The
problem is that my surname which is hyphenated has come to
an end - there are no males to carry on our name. It's
very sad as I am very proud of my name and it has a lot of
history. So when I marry my man one day but what do I do??
I really like his surname and would feel kind of honoured
to take it (soooo traditional I know!) |
"I've kept my surname,
I've also known men who have taken their wife's surname. The
winner though, goes to a friend who, upon realising her maternal
grandmother (her maiden name) was the last in the family line
with that name, the bride and groom both changed their names
to hers. It was a beautiful gesture."
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"I
get REALLY riled up when people question me on my decision
to change my name. They say things like, you've lost your
identity - Sorry?? ****. My identity is in my personality,
my values, my memories and experiences, my upbringing - and
my surname is only a small part of that. And losing the connection
with my family? That makes no sense to me. I have a wonderful
family, which after my wedding doubled in size. I feel a connection
with ALL of them, and there are 50 different surnames within
my family group. Some people choose not to change their name,
and that is entirely their choice and I have no problem with
it. I have chosen TO change my name, and people should, in
return, have no problem with that, either. Don't let anybody
pressure you into a decision one way or the other." |
| "I can't decide. I don't
feel especially loyal to my existing 'family' name/identity
(after all, my grandparents came from 4 different families,
but only 1 of their surnames has been passed down to me). It's
more that I like my first name plus surname combination as it
is. Megan M****. It's has symmetry and style. On the other hand,
we're making a new family together and it makes sense to me
that everyone in a family should have the same surname. And
I don't want to go into marriage marking out all the things
I *refuse* to give up or compromise on." |
"I
am reluctant to give up my current surname, especially at
work where people know me as that. However, I like the idea
of sharing a name with my husband and for any kids to have
parents with the same name (it feels more like a family).
So ... I'm thinking of doing the Hollywood thing and retaining
my surname but adding his surname, like Joanne Whalley Kilmer." |
| "I changed
my name because I wanted to seal our union, I wanted to prove
not only to him but to everyone that I am 100% devoted to him
and that we share everything. I knew that it was a big thing
for his dad though, not that he is old fashioned or anything
like that, but I know that it means a lot to him that I would
choose to have their name and really make myself a part of their
family. But I did not come to this decision lightly. I did want
to keep my own name because it is the last thing I have of my
dad. My father passed away when I was 5. I never knew my dad
and the only thing left was my last name. So for me, this was
a huge and significant decision. I felt sad and in some ways
I felt that I was 'letting the team down' so to speak...but
I am sure my dad understands that I finally have a man in my
life and I want to devote everything to him and our lives together." |
| "After
years of swearing that "I'd never change my surname, I
built my career on my name, it's my trade mark, etc etc"....
within 6 months I changed it to my husband's surname. And it
was a personal choice, not my husband's, or most of his family.
My hubby was happy with whatever I wanted to do, it was MY choice.
and he respected me & my decisions. (One of the reasons
why I married him - awwww). Funny thing though, my brother in
law insisted that his (now) wife change her last name to his
when they got married." |
| "I am the
youngest of 5 kids. 4 women, and 1 (gay) son, who is evidently
not going to get married and have children. Therefore I feel
some sort of obligation to retain my surname and pass it on
to my children; the likelihood of our family name carrying on
further than us is very slim." |
| "I
would like to take my husbands name, and be called Mrs. I think
it's just another (traditional) way to show your commitment
to the world. (and there's nothing wrong with tradition) Mainly
I'd like to take his name so the WHOLE family has the same last
name. Yes I did accomplish and experience things
with my current name. . . but just because I change my surname.
. . it doesn't erase those things. It just adds something
else to my history. In addition, I have some "ideas"
and family traditions that I would like upheld from my side
of the family, and are essentially non negotiable. . . it's
sort of like a compromise."
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And what do our Grooms think
about all of this?
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"A friend of my wife was told that changing her
name was "not negotiable". A shame, as she did have
a lovely surname. I wasn't fussed whether my wife changed
her name or not. I saw it from my point of view...how I would
feel to change my identity all of a sudden. It would be weird!
.So I never bought it up as it wasn't an issue. I was surprised
that within a month or so of getting married she decided to
change her drivers license and open joint bank accounts. She
really enjoyed it. But, she is still her "old self"
at work. And everything is working just fine for her. Funny
thing is when I call her at her office and I speak to her
secretaries, I still ask for her using her old name. Three
years of habit is hard to break!" |
"When
I get married, I would want my wife to keep her surname. Personally,
I don't see any reason why she should have to change her surname
to mine when we get married anyway. It's not like I'd own
her or anything." |
"If
my future wife insists on keeping her last name, then I'd
have to suck it in and take hers because I just like a bit
of identity with families."
"You need to think what will happen if you have
children, do you want them to have your name or you husbands
name? Do you want all the confusion if you do not have the
same last name as them?"
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